ఉంచుకున్నవాడు మగడు కాడు, పెంచుకున్నవాడు కొడుకు కాడు

unchukunnavadu magadu kadu, penchukunnavadu koduku kadu

Translation

The man one keeps is not a husband, the child one raises is not a son.

Meaning

This proverb reflects traditional social views on legitimacy and formal bonds. It suggests that informal relationships or foster care do not equate to the legal and social status of a marriage or biological lineage. It is often used to emphasize that titles or roles earned through convenience or temporary arrangements lack the permanence and sanctity of formal, recognized institutions.

Related Phrases

He who keeps his mother-in-law (with him) is long-lived.

This proverb highlights the benefits of maintaining a good relationship with one's mother-in-law. It suggests that her support, wisdom, and help in managing household affairs lead to a peaceful and healthy life for the son-in-law.

An onion is not a jasmine flower, and a mistress is not a wife.

This proverb is used to highlight that certain things have inherent limitations and can never replace the original or the ideal. Just as an onion's pungent smell can never match the fragrance of a jasmine, a temporary or illegitimate relationship cannot provide the status, stability, or respect of a legal marriage.

He that ate is he that bought. If you want any thing, you must pay for it. Nothing is had for nothing. (French.)

This expression emphasizes that the person who pays for something or takes the risk of purchasing it is the one who truly enjoys the benefits or consequences of it. In a broader sense, it suggests that ownership or direct investment leads to the right of consumption or usage.

One eye is not an eye, one son is not a son.

This proverb highlights the vulnerability and risk associated with having only one of something essential. Just as losing one's only eye results in total blindness, depending on an only child (traditionally for lineage or support) is considered risky because if something happens to them, there is no backup. It is used to describe situations where a single point of failure exists.

Only the man who has deep affection/infatuation is a true husband.

This proverb emphasizes that a man's worth as a husband is defined by the love, care, and attraction he shows toward his wife, rather than just his title or authority. It is used to suggest that emotional devotion is the hallmark of a good spouse.

The one who is liked by the heart is the husband, not just the one who ties the mangalsutra.

This expression emphasizes that true companionship and a husband's status are earned through love, mutual understanding, and emotional connection rather than through the mere ritual of marriage or tying a sacred thread. It is used to highlight that legal or ritualistic bonding is secondary to emotional compatibility.

The man in front is the bridegroom.

This expression is used to describe a situation where someone chooses the most immediate or obvious option available because they lack the time, patience, or resources to look for a better alternative. It implies settling for what is right in front of one's eyes.

One son is not a son, and one tree is not a grove.

This proverb emphasizes that relying on a single resource or individual is risky. Just as a single tree cannot provide the shade or abundance of an entire forest/grove, having only one child (in a traditional context) or one plan was seen as precarious because if that one fails, there is no backup or support system.

A kept man is not a husband, an adopted one is not a son.

This traditional proverb suggests that certain relationships formed through convenience or external arrangements may lack the genuine legal, social, or biological permanence of original roles. It is often used to imply that something acquired or temporary cannot fully replace the original or legitimate version.

The shadow of a palm tree is not a real shade, and a paramour is not a husband.

This proverb highlights that some things are unreliable or lack substance despite appearances. Just as the tall palm tree provides very little actual shade for someone seeking cover, a person in a casual or illicit relationship cannot provide the security, commitment, or social standing of a spouse. It is used to describe temporary or deceptive situations that fail to offer true protection or long-term stability.