విన్నమ్మకు వీపు కాలింది, కన్నమ్మకు కడుపు కాలింది

vinnammaku vipu kalindi, kannammaku kadupu kalindi

Translation

For the woman who heard, her back burned; for the mother who gave birth, her womb burned.

Meaning

This proverb contrasts superficial sympathy with deep, genuine pain. While an outsider (the listener) might feel a momentary or mild annoyance (back burning), only the person directly involved or the parent (the mother) feels the true, excruciating agony (womb burning). It is used to describe situations where bystanders can never truly understand the depth of a victim's suffering.

Related Phrases

A woman who eats mustard seeds has desire; a woman who eats horse gram has a startle.

This proverb describes how different habits, foods, or actions produce specific physiological or psychological reactions. It is often used metaphorically to suggest that a person's behavior or guilt is a direct result of their secret actions—specifically, if someone has done something wrong (eaten horse gram which causes gas/discomfort), they will be jumpy or 'startled' when the topic comes up.

For a woman who is crying, stories do not flow.

This proverb is used to describe a situation where someone is so overwhelmed by their own troubles, grief, or problems that they cannot focus on or engage in creative, productive, or entertaining activities. It suggests that a disturbed mind cannot offer inspiration or joy.

For the woman who has nothing, crying is the adornment; for the woman who has everything, her children are the adornment.

This proverb contrasts poverty and prosperity. It suggests that a person who lacks resources often resorts to complaining or seeking sympathy (crying) to gain attention, whereas a person with wealth or resources finds joy and pride in their family and possessions (children/stomach). It is used to describe how people's behaviors and sources of pride differ based on their socio-economic status.

The lady who has daughters is given a chair, but the lady who has sons has to lean against the wall.

This traditional proverb highlights the cultural observation that daughters often provide better care, comfort, and emotional support to their parents in old age compared to sons. While sons were traditionally preferred for lineage, the saying suggests that daughters ensure their mother sits comfortably (chairs), whereas sons might leave her with no place but the outside of the house (eaves).

Weeping is the ornament of a poor woman, embonpoint is the ornament of a rich woman.

This proverb highlights the difference in life's priorities and behaviors based on one's economic or social status. A person in poverty or misery often has nothing but their sorrow to express, while a wealthy or satisfied person finds beauty and fulfillment in their abundance and family. It is often used to describe how people's external expressions are dictated by their internal circumstances.

For the one who arrived, a warm welcome; for the one who didn't, many complaints.

This proverb describes a common human tendency where a person who is present is treated with respect or given tasks, while those who are absent or failed to show up are criticized or spoken of with long, complaining tones (ragalu). It is used to highlight how people often grumble about those who aren't there to defend themselves or how presence dictates treatment.

The back of the woman who heard burned, the stomach of the woman who gave birth burned.

This proverb contrasts the depth of empathy with biological maternal pain. It means that while a casual observer or neighbor (the one who heard) might feel a superficial or outward sympathy (back burning), only a mother (the one who gave birth) feels the true, deep, internal agony (stomach burning) when a child is in trouble. It is used to describe how a mother's suffering for her children is incomparable to anyone else's.

The one who ate horse gram startles; the one who ate pearls (millet) remains steady.

This proverb refers to how guilt or hidden secrets affect a person's behavior. Eating horse gram (ulavalu) causes flatulence, making the person jumpy or 'startle' (uluku) in discomfort. In contrast, millet is easier to digest. It is used to describe a situation where a guilty person behaves restlessly or gives themselves away through their nervous reactions, while an innocent person remains calm.

Vinnamma's back burned, Kannamma's belly burned. The first mourned the loss of a son-in-law, the second that of a son.— Kannamma signifies ' she who bore ; ' Vinnamma signifies ' she who heard' [ of the death.]

This proverb highlights the profound difference between superficial sympathy and true maternal grief. While an outsider (the one who hears the news) might feel a fleeting pain or 'burn' on the surface (the back), the biological mother (the one who gave birth) feels the intense, internal agony of a 'burning' womb/stomach. It is used to express that only those directly affected by a tragedy can truly understand its depth.

* Det kommer vel der ske skall.

Chairs and stools for the mother of daughters; wall corners for the mother of sons.

This traditional proverb highlights the observation that daughters often take better care of their aging parents with comfort and respect (represented by chairs), whereas sons may neglect them or leave them with no proper place to stay (represented by the eaves of a wall or corners of a house).